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Some things I have learned from the past few days

Updated: Oct 7, 2020

Fresh salmon, grilled in olive oil, lets you know when it is done by filling your entire home with smoke.

An N64 game cartridge can still work if you’re prepared to french kiss its connector slot to the point where a Decree Absolute falls through your letterbox.


On the other hand, the same cannot be said of the N64 analog stick. Mine has more free play in it than 888casino.

My scientific research on old coffee cups around the house has concluded that they take 7 days to become part of your desk. After 30 days, they will not only be sentient, but have acquired sufficient intelligence to discuss blog post ideas with.


Solder fumes + old mugs = feeling dizzy + the mugs acquire eyes and start talking to you.

Digging great holes in your garden will not successfully remove all weeds. It will, however, successfully put great holes in your garden.

Setting the propeller to full power on a 3 foot model aeroplane is not guaranteed to generate sufficient airspeed for an indoor test flight. However, if flown in the right direction, it is guaranteed to find a solution to your supply of ageing desk mugs.

Contrary to popular belief, an unmodified 3d printer cannot plop out a three course dinner. However, with sufficient time and incorrectly adjusted settings, it will turn the inside of your garden shed into a mass of plastic spaghetti. That's mains sorted, then.

A pandemic can be surprisingly useful when you need an excuse for why your car keys, water bottle and children smell overwhelmingly of alcohol.


Kitchen mops, if soaked in peroxide or orange dye long enough and turned upside down, make excellent world leaders.

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